Summers in Olean...NY

 When I little and still in school, summer vacations meant one thing to my brother and I.  Olean NY.  We would count down the day until we left.  We always drove and my Dad always drove straight through.  A quick stop at Mickey D's and we were right back on the road.  It's usually about an 8 hour trip from up here in New Hampshire.  Mom and Dad always woke us up in the middle of the night to leave...well it felt like the middle of the night to me.  I was six.  It was probably more like 11:00 or 12:00.  That way we would arrive right around breakfast time. 
When we got a little older, after my parents split up, we went out for a couple weeks at a time.  I can remember saying "I don't want to go, it's SO boring."  but looking back...it was by far the BEST part of my summer vacations.
There wasn't really much to do there... Yes, there is a mall.  Well I guess they call it a mall.  Back then it was about 15 stores under one roof.  Yes, there was a movie theater... but we weren't old enough to go ourselves and it wasn't something our grandparents ever took us to... a treat for us was going to McDonald's.

No, being in Olean was ALL about being outside.  It was about feeding the cows next door, and playing with our cousins, Wendy and Nikki, who had come down from Alaska for the same weeks we were there.  It was about building things in the shop with Gramps, and weeding the garden with Gram.  It was about ice cream cones, and swimming in the pool.  It was about laying your wet towel and your wet body down on the black top to warm up.  It was about sitting upstairs in Uncle Bob's room, and looking at the posters of KISS and The Who.  It was about picking raspberries right off the bush and rhubarb out of the ground.  It was about going out to the garden before dinner to get everything you'd need... and washing it off with the hose before you came in the house.  It was about building go-carts to race down the drive-way.  It was about visiting friends we didn't know, but who ALWAYS knew our parents, because they grew up with them.  It was about visiting the Utters on Cuba Lake, and Mr. Chinagins, and Mobile homes at the top of the hill where your cousins did your make-up.  It was about being old enough to dive off the end of the dock and not off the side.  It was about the keg-arator at the O'Keefe's and the parties they would have.  When I KNEW I was related to EVERY SINGLE person there...but I couldn't have told you how... and I didn't care...because I knew they all loved me.  It was about being little and watching them all play cards and knowing this family really really loved each other. It was about tubing and fishing and swimming.  It was about waking up to peanut butter toast and chocolate milk EVER morning.  It was about the old swing-set that squeaked the loudest squeak every time the swing went back... it was about the basketball hoop, that wasn't anywhere near regulation height, but was super fun to dunk.  It was about feeding the cows next door...and NEVER getting tired of seeing them come down from the hill to graze.  It was about being at Hill Top Park with my dad, hanging out for hours, eating lunch and getting to have a big Pepsi in the glass bottle.  While he carved our names in the picnic bench.  It was about open faced sandwiches and soggy bread and getting hit with the fly swatter when you were back talking.  It was about MTV and YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION for the first time in my life. I wasn't me and that was OK.  I was Ruthie's daughter, I was Frank and June's Granddaughter, I was Butch's kid, I was related to Bob Davies.  I was one of the Lane's. I was a part of something bigger when I was there.

Those summer there were the BEST summers of my life.  I have sat by and watched friend after friend lose their grandparents, while mine lived on.  Lived on strongly.  I was and I am so lucky to have had those times, those memories.  When I think back on being a kid those are the times I think of.  Those are the days I remember.  I wish I had known then that they wouldn't last forever, I'd like to think I would have held onto them a little tighter.

My grandparents don't live in that house anymore.  The house where my Grandmother was born, and raised her children.  My kids had the chance to go to Olean a couple of summers before they sold that old white house with green shutters.  They sat on the front steps, that I helped paint. They slept in the same room, in the same bed I slept in as a child, the same room, the same bed my mother slept in.  They ran in the fields where their Uncle Jeff and I played for hours and hours.  They swung on the swing, they picked those raspberries.  I can't give my kids the memories I have of that wonderful place, but I am glad they got a chance to make some of their own.

We stopped going to Olean when we hit high school.  Kids don't really want to go hang out with their Grandparents when they are a teenager.  They want to be with their friends.  More specifically we wanted to be where the BOYS were.  All of the sudden my Grandparents were visiting us in the summers. 

When I finally went back to Olean, as an adult, I can't get over how different it looked to me.  The driveway, had always been so long and steep.  Long and steep enough to catch some great speed on your bike.  Why didn't it look long and steep now?  The HUGE field when did it become so small?  When did the barn go from being a big, dark scary place where Gramps was ALL DAY LONG, to just another barn full of stuff that had been collected and saved for another day?  I'm a little sad that I had to see it through "adult eyes".  In my head, in my memories... I choose to see it like I did when I was 7.

When we drove away from that wonderful old house for the last time, I cried.  I cried like someone died. It was one of the saddest things I have ever done.

When I was growing up.  We moved.  A lot. We moved from base to base and we moved from house to house. 

Riverside Dr was a constant.  It didn't change.  The color of the house was always the same.  The yard was always the same.  The people were the same.  The smell when you walked in the door was always the same.  The creek in the back steps was always the same.  The way I felt there.  It was always the same.  The comfort I felt there is something I haven't felt anywhere else.  I never lived there...but it was home. To me.

I still have family in Olean NY.  I don't know if I will ever get back for a visit.  I know if I do, I will go and see all the things that were Olean to me, The Castle,The Library Restaurant, St. Mary's Church, The red bard store,The Palace Movie Theater , Cuba Lake, Hill Top Park, Aunt Penny...but I don't know if I will drive by that house.  That big wonderful house that holds all those memories for me.  I think I have to leave it in my mind.  Where it's still ours, and another family doesn't live there.  I think if it had changed I would be devastated.  In the safe spot in my head, it's still the same.
Never changing.
Just the way I like it.

My favorite.

Happy Birthday to my FAVORITE...

Ryan's Birthday fell in the middle of the week this year.

bummer.

Ryan turned 39 years old this year.

His last year in his 30's.

I tease him relentlessly.

the truth is...

I could care less.

He is my favorite.

This man....

has changed my life in so many ways.

Happy Birthday to the man

who..
Loves his babies endlessly...

who...
is by far the biggest goofball I know...

This Man...

He is my favorite.
This man....

Who...
gets mad when I buy him presents...because presents are for wives...

Who...
has worked 7 days a week for over a year...so that his girls (all of us) have the things we need...

Who...

NO matter how many times I say "Ryan... I can't sleep well with Reagan in the bed"... sneaks her in anyway...cause "Jen, she isn't going to want to cuddle with me forever!"

Who...
can eat whatever he wants and NEVER gain an ounce...

Who...
Sometimes understands his girly daughter more than I do...

Who...
could sleep for 15 hours straight...and still be exhausted..but is ALWAYS ready to snuggle his favorite girls...and pups...

Who...
made me a promise eight years ago...and has never faltered.

Who...

Is a best friend..

Who...

lives everyday to make his Dad proud of him...

Thank you babe.

Thank you for all that you do... 

Thank you for working so hard...

and for still finding the energy to do the little things after a long hard day at work...

Thank you for giving me my babies...

Thank you making me a Mother...

Thank you for being the most amazing Father I know...

Thank you for letting me snuggle freezing cold feet onto you at night...

Thank you for driving whenever we go some place... because you know I don't like to.

Thank you for putting up with me...when I am cranky...

Thank you for knowing me well enough to know to feed me when I am starting to get cranky...

Thank you for doing the Mr. Chancey voice...because Reilly loves it...
Thank you for making sure I belly laugh at least once a day before I go to sleep...It's kind of how you won my heart...

Thank you for changing the oil in my car... so that it is one less thing I have to worry about...

Thank you for eating spaghetti... even though you despise dislike it...because the girls like it...

Thank you for being the kind of Dad that has tea parties.


You are now.
and ALWAYS will be.
MY.
VERY.
FAVORITE.

Sisters....

I am a little sister.

I have a big brother.

Jeff was 4 1/2 years older than me.

And most of the time...he wanted nothing to do with me...

I was the annoying little sister who wanted him to play with me...ALL THE TIME..

I wanted to play with him, with his friends... I wanted to join his clubs...you know the NO GIRLS ALLOWED clubs... I wanted to be at his birthday parties... I drove him CRAZY...

I had an older brother...and I knew what it was to be a sister...but I never knew what it was like to have a sister...and to be honest... I didn't think I was missing anything...

boy was I wrong...

There is something about a sister....

Something I had no way of understanding...

because I never had someone I could tell all my secrets too...

Someone who I knew always..

ALWAYS...

had my back...

When we told Reilly we were going to have a baby...

she cried.

She cried and she thanked us.

Like we did it all for her...

When we went for our untra sound appointment..

Reilly came with Ryan and I...

and when the technician asked us if we were interested in knowing what we were having...

Reilly answered before we could...

"YES!"

When she found out it was a girl...

a SISTER...

she cried.

again.

I am so glad these girls have each other...

To watch out for each other..

to tell their secrets to...

to snuggle with...

to laugh with...

and be silly with...

just knowing these girls have each other...

makes me smile.

They will NEVER be alone...

They will always have someone on their side...

what a wonderful way to go through life...

I hope they know what a gift that it..

and trust me when I say...

I will remind them EVERY single chance I get!

Let's face it... we've all had friends we thought would be around forever...

but if we want to admit it or not...

friends come and go...

all. the. time.

even the ones we think won't ever go anywhere...

sometimes...

they leave too.

but not sisters...

a sister isn't just a forever friend...

she's a forever BEST friend.

two years in the making...

So today was a super big day for Reilly...

and although she has known this day was coming...

she managed to keep it a secret for over a month!

Wellllll....

She kept it a secret from almost everyone...

There were a few people...she just had to tell...

after swearing them to secrecy...

Because it's so hard to keep secrets from big sisters...

and Nanas...

In honor of her big day... I took the day off of work.

We spent the whole day together...

After dropping a very sad Reagan off at school...

Reilly and I had some much needed Mommy-Daughter time...

We started it off on the right foot with some super yummy breakfast...

Reilly has decided this is our new FAVORITE breakfast place...

She LOVED it...

the pancakes were HUGE...

we didn't get a picture of them today...

but she is a gigantic lover of pancakes...

and usually eats a ton of them...

and these pancakes...

were humongous..

and she did eat one whole one...

and a half of the second one...

which means we definitely have to go again...

so she can give it another shot.

Then..it was time...

We hit THE office...

The same office we have been to every single month for...

TWO years...

She was so excited she couldn't contain herself...

I was probably as excited as she was...

but here's the thing...

she is in such a hurry to grow up...

she talks about how...

she has two more years of middle school...and

how in three years she will be getting her license...

and how she will be going to college in six years..

EVERYTHING in this beauty's life is a countdown...

a countdown of wishes...

and dreams to come true...

I have wishes and dreams for her too...

I wish no one would break her heart...

I wish for her great friends who always have her back..

I wish for her wonderful experiences through middle school and high school...

I dream that she will realize how important the choices she makes are..

I dream that she has joy and happiness and laughter and smiles...

I dream she realizes how strong she is...

and that she can do anything...ANYTHING...

she sets her mind to...

but more than anything... I hope with all of my heart...

that she SLOWS down.

That she remembers that those times will come...

an she doesn't have to rush into them...

but today...

today...

wasn't about that...

today was about going from this...

to THIS...

and oh my does...

THIS child...

take my breath away.....

xoxo

LOVE YOU

ROO

a little Roo

So there's this girl...

and she has my heart.

My sweet little Reilly...

Reilly has always been more concerned with others than herself.

Even as a little girl...she always took care of the people around her.

Reilly was the sweetest thing you would ever meet.

She had this way of telling people what to do...and getting them to do it...

without them even knowing if they wanted to our not.

Reilly and I spent a lot of time...

alone.

Just the two of us.

I was a single mom back then.

and it was Reilly and I against the world.

I worked full time...went to school full time and had Reilly...

Our house was crazy...but it was fun...and we had each other...

and back then..it was all we needed.

I think I may have been a little harder on Reilly than I should have been.

I was only 21 when I had Reilly.

I was so young...and I thought her behavior was a direct reflection on me as a parent..

if she behaved well...I was a good mom right...

WRONG...

Here's the thing...

Reilly would have been a good kid NO matter what I did...

Reilly is good.

Reilly is goodness.

and that.

has NOTHING to do with me.

Reilly and I learned together.

She was my first child.

My first daughter.

There were times I had no idea what I was doing...

and I know there were times I did it all WRONG.

but when push came to shove...

we figured it out as we went along...

and we managed to do it..

We didn't just get by...

We had a blast along the way...

Fast forward 10 years

Reilly is almost 13 years old.

a lot has changed in the past ten years...

I am no longer a single parent...

Reilly is no longer and only child...

we have moved to a different house...

I have a different job...

I am no longer in school...

but one thing has not changed...

Reilly is still the definition of good.

and there is the problem...

as Reilly is growing up...

and as she grows up her problems are getting bigger...

which means...so are mine...

I have gone from mending a scrapped knee...

to mending broken hearts...

It is so hard as a parent to know when to come to your child's rescue.

When your child is small...

you can deal with them fighting with their friends...

tell them to say "sorry" and make up.

If you see them being treated unfairly,

you do what you can to make it right...

Or at least try to explain the reasons...

But now...

I feel like I have spent the better part of the last 13 years giving my child roots.

teaching her right from wrong...

and now...

It's time to give her wing to fly...

to find herself...

to try new things...

to be good at them...

to be bad at them...

to figure out the things she likes...

and the things she doesn't...

I just hope she understands...

the ways she has changed my life.

SHE alone has made me a better person.

She has taught me more about the person I want to be..

then any other person I have EVER met.

I learn so much from her...and not just when she was little..

but still...

I hope she remembers ...

that I am going to keep making mistakes...

and I am probably always going to expect to much from her...

and I am probably always going to hold on too tight...

and I am probably always going to ask too much of her...

and I hope she understands...

I am still learning...

but that I have all the confidence in the world in her.

and I can't wait to see....

what this life has in store for her.

and that no matter what choices she makes...

I am right there...

beside her...

rooting her on...

being her biggest cheerleaders...
even when we're fighting...
and she thinks she hates me...
I will always be there...

because no one...NO ONE...

believes in her...

the way I do.

I love you ROO.

Mr. Leary and I.

As most of you know... I was lucky enough to go to Hawaii this April.  Ryan was sent there for work. If I wanted to go... I had to come up with the air fare.. That was it.  There were probably a 100 million other things we could have done with that money...paid a bill... put it away for school shopping...fixed something on the house.

but would I EVER get this chance again?

I mean we are talking about HAWAII....

So I gave in...and went.

It wasn't easy mind you... I had to find people to watch the kids...and the dogs...

but between some pretty terrific friends and my Mom...we worked it out.

I was on my way....

to paradise!

I was so looking forward to so much...

It must sound strange...but I was excited to being

just me.

not a Mom, or a daughter, or an employer, or a sister, or a friend.

just me.

I had the pleasure of meeting up with an old friend who lives there.  Literally a block away from where we were staying.  It was so nice to have someone to show me around.  It was nice to see her...and boy did we have a blast!

(a HUGE thank you to you Brandi...you made my trip extra special!)

Ryan worked nights while I was there...and we tried to fit something in every day before he took off for work...after I dragged got him out of bed!

it was amazing. it was perfect. 

I spent many a morning here.  On Waikiki Beach.  

By myself.

and I didn't have to drag all the beach gear I usually have to carry.

My towel and a beach bag.

that was it.

Other days were spent snorkeling...

with my handsome husband...

all to myself.

One of the reasons I love this man.

This incredible man...

Is because he is the best father I know.

He some how manages to have two jobs...take care of the dogs..and....the 100 things around the house...

and make time for his daughters.

There doesn't always seem to be enough of him to go around...

but here.

Here...he was ALL mine.

and it was great!

We got to be us again....

Not Mommy and Daddy...

but Jen and Ryan...

It was so good for us to get back to each other..

We forgot about the responsibility..

the bills...

who needed to be driven where...

who was having a sleepover where...

it was good for us.

How can a place like this...

 

Not be good for your soul...

a place like this helps to rejuvenate you...

so that you can come home...

to all the people you love...

to all of the people who love you right back...

to the ones who matter...

and be

a BETTER...

Mother...

Daughter...

Sister...

Friend...

Wife...

because when it is all said and done...

this is beautiful...

but it doesn't hold a candle to

THIS....

XOXO