A Letter to my daughters...all the things I want to say...but don't.

To my girls.

When you were born and the nurses laid you in my arms...you were so small.  You still are.  Remember that.  No matter what...in the scheme of the WORLD.  You are small. If you ever need to be reminded of just how small you are...go stick your feet in the ocean...take a look out on the horizon and try to imagine how large it is.... There's a whole world out there for you to go out and explore.  Do it.  Try everything.  You never know what you might fall in love with until you try. 

You'll always regret the things you wish you did but didn't do over the things you did and wish you hadn't.

While you're out there...don't forget who and where you came from.  Who and Where you came from MADE you who you are today.  You did most of the work when it came to making you....but  you have been lucky enough to have some very amazing people in your life...and they had a whole lot to do with who you are too.  Don't forget them.  Remember them often. 

Although you are small.  That doesn't not, by any means mean you are insignifiacant.  Before you graduate do a report on Napolean.  Although he wasn't the greatest guy in the World.  He was little....he sure managed to accomplish an awful lot.

Remember that we (your parents) aren't perfect.  We've made plenty of mistakes...some we may have recocnized...others not so much.   We did try our best.  We did the best we could with what we had and we ALWAYS did what we thought was best for you...

In 15 years....when your therapist is telling you you can blame us for everything...remember that....and that we loved you from the minute we knew you were coming...and every single minute since.

Every single time a boy tells you your beautiful add the phrase "and smart".  You can say it outloud or you can say it in your head.  You are both beautiful girls...but your smart too.  Beauty is only going to take you so far...beauty fades...brains are FOREVER.

Be a LADY.
You don't have to show your goodies. If a guy really cares about you he wouldn't want you to anyway....There is a huge difference between sexy and sluty.  Be sexy. (can you wait unitl your 25?)
Don't be sluty...
or a slut for that matter.
God, please don't be a slut.
If a man cares about you, he'll wait...and if he won't wait...he isn't THE ONE.   It's kind of a good test...will you wait?  No...aww that's too bad..there's the flippin curb.
Your body is YOURS.  When you decide to give yourself to a man, make sure he is a man of worth.  A Man who will respect you and the gift you are giving him. 
There are plenty of guys out there that will want "flings" or "one night stands"  They want the satisfaction of having sex without any responsibilty of your feelings.  Those are the kind of men who will tell you anything you want to hear until they get what they want....and then you'll probably never see them again...

BEFORE you have sex with a man have a VERY serious conversation about what would happen if you got pregnant.  It takes two people to make a baby for a reason....because it takes two to RAISE a baby.

If you aren't ready for a baby...you aren't ready for sex.  Period.  This is just another reason you shouldn't have sex until your married.  Just saying.

When it comes to guys...listen to your friends.  They see him without the LOVE.  Love blinds us all.  If your friends think he's a jerk...he probably is.
If he doesn't treat your friends well...he isn't worth it.  Any guy that cares about you...cares about what YOU care about.

Speaking of friends...when you find a good one.  Hold on to her.  When you start middle school and high school your going to meet so many new people.  It would be so easy to leave her behind...to move on to a more popular crowd...don't do it...those friendships last a minute...you'll kick yourself...and you will miss your friend.

If you don't want anyone to know about it...you probably shouldn't be doing it.
If you have to hid it...it probably isn't a good idea.

Remember that conversation we used to have about that feeling in the pit of your stomach.  It's your body telling you it doesn't like the choices your making.  Listen to it...it's usually right.

Trust your instincts.  If you have a not so good feeling about someone...you are probably right. 

If you don't know if something is a good idea...think to yourself...what would my MOM want me to do...and then do that....you can pretty much never go wrong if your trying to do what your Momma would want.

I know you're going to take a drink here and there.
Please remember you HAVE to treat alcohol differently than everyone else....because trust me it's going to treat you differently than it treats everyone else...you and I both know why.

If you try a cigarette, I hope you hate it....and never do it again.  When your 16 you think it looks cool...but really, everyone that sees you is laughing at you and making fun of you for trying so hard to look and act older.  Smoking doesn't make you look older...it makes you look stupid.

Please remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince...at the time it seems like a joke. Here's the thing...you have to meet all the wrong ones so that you'll appriciate the right one.  He IS out there...and he WILL come along.  Don't spend your life waiting for a man...live your life...enjoy every second...your happiness does not depend on having a man in your life.

When you grow up and finally find the man of your dreams..make sure he asks for your Daddy's permission...it will break his heart to give you away....and at your wedding when he cries like a baby...remind him you'll always be his little girl...he'll need it.

Marry a man who makes you laugh.  In the craziness that comes from two individuals trying to make ONE life...things can get a little hairy.....a man who can make you laugh will help get you through it all.

Love fiercely.  Don't hold grudges.  Laugh every. single. day. Work hard....but be lazy every now and then. 
Take chances but be responsible when it counts....You want to be someone people can depend on.

Know when to say NO.  It doesn't mean you can't do it...it just means you choose not to. 

Eat dessert first every once in a while...or...just skip dinner all together and just eat dessert.

 Spurdge on the little things more than you think you should....The peice of mind you can get from a Mani/Pedi is worth so much more than the money you'll spend.

 If you want to have a good friend...be a good friend...

Stand up for those weaker than you. 

Don't let your kids be brats.  They can have brat moments...but don't let them BE brats.  Make them work.  Families are teams.  They work together.  Some parents are so busy not being mean that their children take control .Don't be your child's friend...they have enough friends...and they don't really want you to be their friend...they want you to be their P A R E N T.  

Don't let the tail wag the dog...

Be as involved as you can. The more I am involved the more I meet and get to know your friends and their parents. 

Find what you love...and then figure out a way to make money doing it. 

When you kids ask for a Dog or a Cat...remember your pups....remember Mr.  When you remember all that they brought to your lives...can you really say no.  You may have to say Not yet...but never say NO...those animals changed your world.  It is also a great way to teach responsibility.

Never. Ever. Ever. EVER.  Forget how much I love you.  The day you were born was the HAPPIEST day of my life.  You gave ME the greatest gift in the whole world.  You made me a Mother.  It is all I have ever wanted to be.  Thank you for that.  Thank you for being the kind of kids I can be proud of.  You have to realize that you must be pretty special people for someone to love you that much.  I can't imagine one breath without you. 

I love who you are and can't not wait to see who you become.

XOXO

The smiling teenager....

Yeah I know...
unheard of...
especially in these parts.
but it's true.

She smiles.

She's been smiling a little more often...
and that I can't get enough of.

Here's the thing.
When we started talking about buying a house...
I had all these dreams.
Visions really.

I dreamed of cook-outs in the backyard...trampolines...and swing sets.
I dreamed of sprinklers and slip n slides in the Summer...and snowmen and sledding in the Winter.

I had wonderful visions of running beside my babies holding on to the back of their bicycle seats, teaching them to ride without the training wheels.

Most of all I pictured kids.
Lots of kids.
Neighborhood kids.
All of them.
At our house.

Ialways wanted to be that house.
The one where all the kids were.

and we moved in in 2007...and I still remember the first time Reilly said to me..."Mommy, can I go outside and ride my bike?!"

We had always lived on very busy streets.
There was no riding bikes or going for walks without an adult.
There was no walking to my friends house....
It was just too dangerous.

So that day.
The day she asked to go out and ride her bike. I remember feeling so happy. So glad that I could give her a neighborhood she could "play" in.

We moved into this great neighborhood. This neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and cul de sacs. A neighborhood that has an annual block party...The old fashioned kind...they actually BLOCK off the road...and have a live band...

but...we lived at the end of it.
Like the very end.
and as much as we have always wanted to be a part of our neighborhood we aren't.

and all those kids.

They just don't seem to make it this far down. They live and play a little farther back in the neighborhood....and just never made it here.

and then....
this year...

all of that changed.

You see most of the neighborhood kids are boys.
I know... I know...that's the last thing I need...
but they were a little younger than my teen...
and as much as she was interested in friends...
they weren't interested in a girl for a friend.
Seriously. girls are gross when boys are 12...and then they turn 13 and all of that changes.
Boys are weird.

Well. Those boys. Who were playing pokemon last year...
Those are the same boys knocking on my door this year.

Yes!
FINALLY!

I am so happy that my girl has a posse.
I am so happy that she takes walks and hangs out.
Don't get me wrong, I SO wish they were girls...
but they seem like pretty nice kids.
and having them around makes her smile.

I can pretty much learn to love anything that makes her smile.

I can't say the same for her Daddy.
He isn't down with it all yet.
He'll come around.
Someday.
I hope it's before someone is asking for her hand in marriage.
then again....
I'm not placing any bets.
;)

I confess....

I confess...
I haven't blogged since August.
Yikes.

I confess...
There are many many reasons.
and I could  get into them all.
but honestly I don't think you want the long and short of it all.
but I will give you the short.

My Dad (who I haven't seen in over 10 years) came to visit.
and stayed with us..
and it was nothing short of wonderful.

and

I quit my job.
I mean....
I didn't just quit my job.
I DID have another job before I quit my job.


 but...
the other job was my starting my own business...
and it was super scary....
and I wasn't 100% sure I was ready...
and I was stressed....
and my brain just didn't have the space for blogging  anything.

and...

Ryan was out of town for a month. 
OK...
not a whole month.
but like 26 days.
so it seemed like a month.
which means I was here by myself a whole lot during all the craziness.

He is my rock.
In so many ways.
It was very scary doing it without him...
but I did it.
and I am glad I did.
because now I have that.
forever.
that I could do it.
that I can do it.
it's a nice thing to be reminded of.

That although you're always a part of a team
that you are capable of doing it alone.
if you have to.

So yeah.  It's been more than a little crazy around here.

I confess...
I am so glad I did it.
Started my own business.
That's a whole other blog....

I confess...
I have tried to blog a few times.
it just hasn't worked.

Nothing I write about seems interesting.
even to me.
so why the heck would it be interesting to any of YOU?

Yeah it wouldn't be.

So I came back to good ole Mamarazzi.
It's just a place I feel comfortable "coming back to"
I knew her HAPPY list or her FRIDAY CONFESSIONAL would be a great place to start back up.

So hopefully I am back.
We'll just have to wait and see.

I am linking up with the every lovely, almost famous Mamarazzi...
come and join us for some fun!

The way he loves me.

He drives me crazy.

seriously.
crazy.

We are so different. 

And it shouldn't work.

But it does.

I can't believe it's been 8 years.

He keeps telling me we made it through the seven year itch...

So we're pretty much good to go...for the next 50 years.

We've been to a couple weddings this year and it's made me think about our day.

There are things I loved about our day and things I think I might change.

Then again...none of that matters.

I wouldn't change the man.  And that's what it's really about...

I may look back and think...

Maybe I should have had different bridesmaids...

Or what was I thinking when I picked that dress...

But really none of that matters...

Because I got the man.

The very best man.

8 years ago...

he became the hubster...

He walked into my work...with my Mama...got down on one knee and popped the question. 

I was super surprised.  I mean I knew it was coming.  We were already planning the wedding...but he said it wasn't official until I had a ring...and I sure didn't expect him to do it then...and there...

8 years.

I know to some it seems like the blink of an eye.

I mean we do  have a almost 14 13 year old daughter...

Let's please skip over the doing the math on that one...shall we?

Oh my god does this man drive me crazy!!!

Most of the time it's like we speak different languages. 

No really, there are times when we are saying the exact same thing...just in a different way...and we'll argue that the other person is wrong....until we finally figure out that we were saying the same thing all along.

This man...

is the best man.  I have ever met. 

I love very many things about him.

I love the way he always has to touch me when he is falling asleep and how he isn't a fan of holding hands...but he still holds mine every once in a while...because he knows I like it.  I love that he is silly and makes a point to make sure I laugh every single day.  I love that he is the man that knows me inside and out.  I love how honest he is...he is by far the most honest person I have ever met.  I love how hard he works.  I appreciate that he has an amazing work ethic and I know he does what he does for his family. I love that I know I am a better me...because he loves me.  I love that he is good... I don't just mean that he is good at things... I mean he is a good man. I love that I have someone I can depend on...he has my back.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  I love that we go through this world together.  I love the way he jams out in the car with the girls and I....and I especially love when him and I jam out to an "old" 80's tune that the girls don't know.  I love the way he looks in a baseball hat...and love even more the way he looks in a cowboy hat! ;)  I love that he wants to give me the world...and although we struggle.... I love knowing...he would do it all...if he could....

but most of all I love the way he loves me. 

There are times when I wonder what I did to deserve him.  Why he puts up with my shit.  I can be such a head case, such a pain in the ass....but he just smiles at me...and keeps on truckin. 

There is NOTHING more important to this man than his family.

This day.

August 16th, 2003.

My life changed for the better.

When this man chose me to be his wife.

When he picked me to walk through the rest of his life with.

On this day.

When I took his last name.

And we went from a you and me...

to an us.

It was the

very very

best day.

I have pretty much lived my whole life thinking I would have a son.  (that is another post entirely)

This man should have a son.  He deserves a son.  Don't get me wrong...he loves his girls.  He says all the time that lucked out when he got them...no one  in the world will ever think he is as wonderful as they think he is....and as much as he probably should have had a son.  There isn't a man I know that is a better Father to Daughters.  He babysits the Reagan's baby dolls if we leave the house...and I can remember a time or two he had tea parties with Reilly and her Barbies.  They look at him and you can actually witness a man melt into a puddle on the floor.  I adore this about him.  The way he loves his girls makes me fall in love with him over and over again.

I love you Ryan! 

You're still the one.... I see...sitting next to me in that rocking chair...on the porch...surrounded by our babies...and their babies...and maybe even their babies, babies...

and for the record...

When I said I do.

It was the best decision I have ever made.

The truth about the lies...

Remember this blog...the one about 2 truths and 1 lie?

There were mine..

1. I have 5 tattoo's and want at least one more.

2. My Mother ran me over in her van.
3. I started smoking ciga-butts when I was 15 years old.

Yes...I have 5 tattoos.  I love them.  They are all little and I can pretty much hide all of them if I want to. I have a moon with a star I got with my cousins.  I have a dolphin, I got when I was 18 and stupid...I have a sun...I have a shamrock...for my Roo...and I have the Boston Red Sox B.  I love me some SOX!


I know I want one more.  I want a celtic cross with my baby's names in it...

Yes... My loving Mama ran me over with our Van.  Of course, she DIDN'T mean to.  This was back in the day...way...way...back in the day... you remember when kids sat in the front seat and didn't have to wear seat belts?  Well there I was...sitting in the front seat, but what we didn't know was I hadn't completely shut the front door to our van.  When we pulled out into very busy traffic, the door opened and I fell right out!  It was so scary, I was only 7 years old!  The back wheels of the van ran me over, but luckily I only broke a bone in my foot!  Crazy I know!  Either way...it's TRUE!

Nope... I didn't start smoking cigarette's at 15.  I started at 14.  Seriously.  14 years old....and I smoked for 15 years.  YUCK!  When Reilly was 5 she started in on her Dad and I.  In a very casual conversation I said I could go longer that Ryan without smoking...he said No way...and being the crazy completitive people that we are...we started..and every single day we would come home and one of us would say to the other "Did you smoke?"  all the while hoping and wishing that they had!  But we hadn't.  Either of us.  and then somewhere along the way...we stopped asking...and we just didn't smoke anymore...
I am not going to lie... I was one of those people...you know the ones that LOVED smoking.  I loved all of it...and I know it sounds crazy but I can't say I won't ever smoke again.  I think if I hit 80 I might take up that habit again....come on folks...if I make it to 80...I deserve every single bad habit I want!

BIG confessions this week...

I confess....

Today I gave my two (and a half) week notice and quit my job.
YIKES.

I confess....
I was terrified to do it...
but knew I had to.

I can't stand it when people are mad at me...
even if I don't like them.
even if I am NEVER going to see them again...
even if I have no intentions of changing my mind...

I can't stand people "not" liking me...
what the hell does that say about me?

I confess ....

I have other BIG plans..
I am opening my own child care center in my home.
I am super excited...
but am afraid people are going to be all judgy about my house.
It needs some work.
Its not all new and shit...
It has ugly wallpaper from the people before us.
It has ugly linoleum.
We're fixing it.
Slowly.
We're on a nonexistant tight budget...
but...
it's clean.
I guess that's what matters.

I confess...

I am super happy about already being "full"
One of my biggest fears was that I would haven't enough kids to make at least what I am making right now...at my job...
but I haven't even had the chance to advertise...
and I am full.
Word of mouth...
good stuff...
I wanna say..."yeah, I am that good of a teacher..." 
Cause I am ..
But I won't...say it...
Out loud anyway...  :)

I confess...

Ryan isn't really on board.
I mean he has done everything I have asked him to do to help me prepare "the space".
I think he thinks I am going into this and not really thinking it through...
I know there are down sides and up sides to this...
But I've made up my mind...
and if he is going to "fake" it...
I wish he'd do it better!

I confess...

Deep down. 
I am scared.
Like REALLY REALLY scared.

Link up with the super cool Mamarazzi over at Dandelion Wishes...
You'll love her...
I promise!


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2 truths and a lie!

Just found this on another blog...

and thought it was super fun!

2 truths....1 lie...

you figure it out...

1. I have 5 tattoo's and want at least one more.

2. My Mother ran me over in her van.
3. I started smoking ciga-butts when I was 15 years old.


Which one is the lie? 

YOU TELL ME!

Have fun...