The Mom I want to be...

So I have this secret.  It's not something I am very proud and I hate can't believe I am about to admit it.  To anyone out there who wants to read it.

OK...

(deep breath)

here goes...

I am not the Mother I want to be.

Yeah, that's right.
I try... but somehow no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get it right.  At times I yell.   Yes, I said it.  I yell.  I don't just yell.  I yell at my kids.  Sometimes I lose it.  I wish I could say I was the ever patient Mom who always knows the right thing to say...and always says that perfect thing at the perfect time.  But, um...no... I don't do that either. 

My house is NEVER clean.  Don't get me wrong... it's always in the process of being cleaned.  However..it is a rare rare day in this house when EVERY single room is clean at the same time.. I just don't have time... and if I take the time to go up the stairs to clean up the girls rooms...well then I don't have any time left to clean up my OWN room.  Not that they don't clean them themselves... they do... just every once in a while...they need a Mom swipe through.

and don't even get me started on the dishes... I am always doing the damn dishes...I do the dishes when I wake up in the morning...I unload in the morning...and fill the dishwasher up with all the dishes left over from the night before...you know the ones left over after I have done the dinner dishes... and turned on the dishwasher... because everyone knows you have to have an ice cream sundae after Mom turns on the dishwasher.... and what fun are ice cream sundae's after Mom has turned on the dishwasher if you don't dirty as many other dishes in the process as you can
OK. OK.  you knew this was coming...LAUNDRY.  I can't take the never ending cycle of laundry at my house... it doesn't matter how often I do it... or in what order I do it in... there is ALWAYS laundry... it might ALL be washed (who are we kidding..it is never ALL washed for more than 3 minutes at a time!!) For those 3 glorious minutes... when it is ALL done... you know there are 14 loads that need to be folded or put away in some one's drawer or hung in some one's closet.

and... the floors.  OMG the flippin floors.  Somewhere along the way I thought it was a good idea to get TWO dogs... don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my pups.  My floors on the other hand... they aren't feeling the dogs...My floors are NEVER clean.  EVER. Even after I clean my floors...someone...if it be human or mutt...walks on my floors and messes them up... or the furry little beasts are laying on it... shedding their ginormous amounts of hair all over my beige carpet.  I vacuum... and 2 minutes later... guess what ... you can't tell I vacuumed...which makes me NOT want to vacuum at all....because why waste my time doing it...if you can't tell it was done....

I spent entirely too much time in my car.  Carting children from this practice to that practice.  From this cheer competition to that gymnastics class.  Car pooling has become a way of life for me and if I knew I was going to be spending this much time in my car... I wouldn't have bought a mini-van.  I would have bought an RV.

I envisioned myself as one of those Mothers with the perfectly clean house... everything in it's place.  Everything dusted, vacuumed and put away every night before my perfect little family laid their perfect little heads on their perfect little pillows...

Sometime I forget to check their homework.  I make pancakes for dinner and make them go to their rooms for an hour because I need quiet for just a little while...I say things to my kids like "cut the crap"...and "whatever"... and when they repeat it... I tell them not to talk like that... way to set an example huh!?

Sometimes I am tired.  Too tired to clean the bath tub, and sometimes I forget to remind them to brush their teeth or put in their retainer.  Sometimes I don't really forget... but it means they will be in bed 15 minutes earlier if I keep my trap shut...and sometimes I just need that NOW...and not in 15 minutes.

I loose track of time and am late for EVERYTHING..I wear a Red Sox hat at least two days a week, because I either couldn't be bothered to do my hair...or I am too late to do anything with it.  I wear Jeans with holes in it and my big ugly (comfy) uggs almost everyday.

No, I am not the Mother I thought I'd be.  Most of the time I am not the Wife I thought I'd be either.  I set these crazy standards...that I can not live up to... and it is disappointing.

I want to be that Mom..

You know the one...

That shows up to school dressed like she belongs on the cover of Parenting magazine.  Hair done perfectly and perfect make-up.  The one with the kids who are all dress in co-ordinating outfits.  The Moms who never looked frazzled while dropping off or picking up their kids.  The ones who find time to be on the board of every thing their child is a part of and STILL find time to be on the Parent Teacher Organization.  Not to mention they have the most amazing job, a fabulous car and a beautiful house. 

Sometimes I look at those Mom's and wonder why can't I be more like that?

but here's the thing...

I'll take what I've got.

I may not be the perfect Mom.  I may not be the Mom I thought I would be... or even the Mom I thought I wanted to be...

because what I've got is so much better than what I thought I'd have.

So I'll take the imperfect house...with it's dirty clothes and dishes in the sink, the dog hair covering the hallway and the dust on the dresser.  I'll take it...if it means more time with my kiddo's or husband...

We may not be that family...you know the perfect family.  We are SO much better than that.  We laugh until we cry, we manage to sit down to dinner together all the stinking time.  We support each other, we work together, we believe in each other.  We play games together. We have FUN together.We have random dance parties in the middle of the kitchen.  We snuggle in bed and sing like no one is listening in the car. 

It's really so much better than I ever thought it could be.

All that other "stuff"...

the dishes...or the laundry...

It will all be there...

tomorrow..and the next day...and the day after that...
but someday... these people won't be...
They will have moved on... away... with their own families..
and I will have all the time in the world to do the dishes...
and wash the laundry...
and rake the leaves...

So I think I'll wait until then to worry about it...

and just go hang with my fabulous kids and my hot husband...

:)