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Thursday, August 5, 2010

My Apology...

So I recently read a letter to an advice column in a newspaper...and boy did it get my goat.

The letter was from a woman who was upset with her friends who had children.  She couldn't understand why they no longer had time for her.  She couldn't understand why when they met up for coffee, they had to do it at their house.  She doesn't believe she should be subjected to her friends children running around screaming...She can not fathom why it is so difficult to maintain other friendships.  In her words "I mean it's not like kids don't go to bed...pick up the phone...call me!  Kids take naps and have snacks and go with Grandparents.."

Here is my response to people who can not understand what "we" Mother's are doing... with those precious few moments when are children are with someone else...or sleeping... or eating...

See the thing is... Maybe I don't want to talk to YOU. Not because I don't like you..but because maybe.. I want to sit in the silence, because I NEVER get silence.  Maybe I want to sit on the couch and watch a WHOLE television show without interruption.  Maybe I want to get on the computer and facebook stalk everyone I know... Maybe I want to go to the grocery store ALL BY MYSELF....

You see....You my childless friend have had many many moments today where you were able to have a complete thought without someone needing you.  Not wanting you...but...NEEDING you.  Needing things that CAN NOT wait.  Things like ..um... wipe my bum...or please don't put the screwdriver in the wall socket... or don't eat the dog food... or the really  important things... like say please and thank you...or wash your hands before you leave the bathroom...or no it is NOT OK to try to put things up your nose.

I rarely get those moments...those quiet moments when there isn't anyone who NEEDS me.... and although you have had your fill of them for the day by the time you get home from work...maybe...just maybe talking to you isn't what I NEED at that moment. 

Most of the time what I need is peace and quiet.

PLEASE don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  I love my crazy mixed up beautiful life.  I love that I have had the opportunity to be my baby's teacher for the past 5 years...I love that I am home when my kids get home from school, I love it that my kids talk to me... A LOT.  (although I have said...to the child who doesn't ever stop talking... please.  please for one minute don't speak.  It didn't work)

The thing is, although you get your fill of quiet, I do not.  It is a gift. 

I am sorry.  It is nothing personal. 

It actually has NOTHING to do with you, my friend.  It has EVERY THING to do with ME!

oh and by the way...

I wouldn't really want to be talking to someone who doesn't understand that my time with my children is the most important thing in the world to me... and if you think my time with you... is more important than my time with them...well your just ridiculous. 

and...

Most importantly..

NONE of my friends would say anything as completely ludicrous as this...

They get it...
and if they don't...
I would be happy sit them down and explain it to them with a cup of coffee...that is..if they don't mind doing it at my house... because the kids will be here...running around... screaming... :)

{I'll be getting off my soap box now...Thanks!}