For those of you who don't know.
Our story, Ryan and mine...well...it's quite a story...to say the least.
The summer of 1997 my life changed.
14 years ago, Ryan Thomas Leary walked into Gary's Beverages and into my heart.
I can't say I am proud of all of the things that happened during that time. I can't say I made the best choices. What I can say... is that all of that lead to all of this...so I can't be sorry. I wouldn't take it back. I wouldn't change a thing. One change back then would change it all now. and now....14 years later this is better than I could have asked for.
Ryan and I met at work. We both worked at a convenient store...and we fell in love while cleaning the coffee pots. Literally. I was 21 years old. Ryan was 26. I was teaching him the way we cleaned the coffee pots every night before we closed. I can actually remember the moment. The moment I stopped in mid-sentence. Stopped talking, because it hit me like a brick wall. This is it. This is the moment I had been waiting for. This is the person I've been waiting for.
When I was pregnant I heard it all. People thought I was crazy. Why would I choose to have this baby when Ryan and I were not a couple? Even then. Even when things weren't as they should have been, I knew, I saw who he was, I knew what he was made of. I specifically remember walking upon a conversation about me. I remember a friend of mine talking to someone about me. She was saying her parents would have killed her if she had been in my position. She said I was being an idiot. People talked about me a lot. People over-stepped their boundaries. They took liberties with me and my story that they shouldn't have done. People made fun of me. People laughed at me. I lost friends. Lots of the people I knew didn't have much in common with a 22 year old pregnant girl. I went through a lot back then. But what those people didn't know back then was that I knew something they didn't.
I knew him.
Ryan and I tried to give "us" a shot a couple different times.
It didn't work.
It didn't work the first time when Reilly was 1...
It didn't work the second time when Reilly was 3...
I had decided that Ryan and I were over forever. I couldn't take the heartache anymore. I couldn't put everything I had into this relationship...when it couldn't work. I had decided that it was over. Once I made that decision... In my head...there was NO going back. We could be friends...but never again would we be more than that....
As much as he tried... I was done.
Forever.
Things did change....
Ryan quit drinking...
I dated other people...
We became friends...
We parented our daughter together...
Ryan wanted to try again...but I just couldn't do it. I didn't trust the things he was saying to me..I was really happy with my life... I had a great apartment...amazing friends...and kick butt 4 year old little girl...I was living the life. I didn't need a man... I was so happy without one. To be honest... I didn't want to date ANYONE...let alone someone who had hurt me over and over again...
and then...
On New Years Eve 2002 it all changed. Again.
I had plans to go out that night. Plans with my friends. Reilly was going to spend the night with Nana and Papa. I was heading out on the town. Out to a party....and for some reason... I decided not to go. I can't really give you a good reason. I don't know why. I just didn't feel like it. I felt like staying home...with Reilly. We just hung out. Movie night together...sharing popcorn and watching The Wizard of Oz. It was a quiet night. Reilly fell asleep half way through the movie. Right around 11:30 there was a knock at the door. Looking through the peep hole...there was Ryan. Slyly leaning on the against the door jam with a smirk on his face. I will forever remember the look on his face.
When I opened the door... I had no idea that that night my life was going to change forever.
I remember asking him what he was doing there...
and he told me he was making sure I wasn't kissing anyone else when the ball dropped...
I am sure I told him... I wasn't kissing ANYONE...including him when the ball dropped...
I remember sitting next to this man on my couch....petrified of what was going to happen next.
I can still feel the way I felt when I knew he was going to try to kiss me... and the pit in my stomach when I figured out I was going to let him.
I know that a second didn't pass between the moment we kissed and I started crying.
Because I had to finally admit it. I HAD been wanting this. I HAD been waiting for him. I DID love him. I had NEVER stopped.
After that kiss... I remember being so afraid. So worried that I was going to be hurt again... I remember telling him...that if he hurt me again... I would die. He promised me that night that he would never hurt me like that ever again... that I could trust him.
I asked him if he was going to marry me... he said... Tomorrow...
We were married 7 years ago today.
"Meant to be sounds so...I don't know...fairytale... and Ryan and my story wasn't a fairytale...I don't really know how to describe it... I know that most people...go through all the things we've gone through and they can't manage to like each other...let alone be silly in love with each other... I guess when I really think about it... it was our ability to forgive each other that kept us together...
I have NEVER ever thought I had made the wrong decision. I think that all we've been through has gotten us this far... I think too many people think Marriage is easy...that it's all (as a good friend said it to me) rainbows and butterflies... It's not. Period. It's not. It's hard. It's aggravating. Sometimes it's lonely. It's tiring...but more than anything..it's So worth it.
Ryan is my best friend. I know...no matter what he is ALWAYS on my side. I know I am not the easiest of women to live with...he somehow does it and makes it look easy. He has been an amazing teacher and confidant.
BELIEVE me there are days when I want to HURT him....but more often than not... I am left wondering...what did I do to deserve this LOVE and this MAN....
I love you Ry.
Happy Anniversary.
Thank you for the best 14 years of my life. I can not wait to see what the future holds for us. I know it's just gonna keep getting better....
"Looks like we've made it!"
No comments:
Post a Comment