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Friday, March 18, 2011

The big bad MEAN Mom...

I am so very tired of being the big, bad, mean Mom.  I truly want whats best for my children.  I want them to be happy, productive members of society.  I want them to grow and learn every day.  I want them to smile and laugh with unbridled enthusiasm.  I want them to love wildly and completely.  I want them to push themselves and try new things.  I know they will fall but I want them to know that when they get back up and try again...they will be all the stronger for it...I want them to have unbelievable friendships that last a lifetime.  Someone to count on when everyone else has turned their backs...I want them to try new things until they find out what they are passionate about...

That being said....

I am so tired of being the big, bad, mean, Mom.

I am tired of being the Mom who is constantly nagging....
clean your room..do your homework...eat your dinner...bring down your dirty clothes...get ready for school...get ready for bed...brush your teeth...wear your retainer...change your clothes...take a shower...watch your sister...brush your hair...

the list goes on and on..

and the looks I get...

Seriously...

the looks that I get from my teenager..well if looks could kill..I'm just saying...

When I tell you to go do your homework...it's not because I just want you out of my hair...it's because...um... I dunno..you have to do your homework...it's your job and I expect you to do it right.

When I tell you to clean your room it isn't because I know how much you hate it and it makes me happy to piss you off....nope...it's because it's my job to teach you to respect your things.  To take care of your space.  And more importantly it is because I know that you work so much better in an environment that is straightened...

I do the things I do because I love you.

I hate that I have become the "yeller".   It is the mere fact that I have to ask my children 15 times to do something...and it still doesn't get done.  The first 15 times I ask... I try to do it nicely...by the 10th time...well... I have started raising my voice...and once I get to the 15th time...I am one yelling, screaming Mama...Just do it the first time and I wouldn't have to yell....

It is my job to prepare you for life...it's my job to teach you the the things you need to learn before you leave the nest...It's my job to give you the tools...to go out and kick some major butt in life....it's my job to give you wings...so you can fly. 

I always knew it was going to be hard...having a teenager.  I never went into it thinking it was going to be easy.  I always expected the yelling and the fighting... I just always thought I would always know what to do...that I wouldn't feel so incompetent.  There are whole days that go by that I think I am a terrible Mother.  There are fights that occur and before they are even over I know I didn't handle them  correctly.  There are times when I know I could have done things differently...

and from all of this....

I have figured out...

that neither one of us know what we are doing here...
her with her teenager hormones...
and me with my menopause hormones...
we are a mess.
but we love each other..
and we will get through this.
yes, we will fight...and scream and yell...
but we'll get through it...
she loves me in spite of my faults...
and I love her in spite of hers...
because even though there are so many things she does that drive me absolutely crazy...
she does so many other things that are good, and kind.
and although there might be things about her that I would change...
there are so many more things about her that I wouldn't change...
and yes...there are days when being the big bad mean mother is going to push me right over the edge...
most days...being her Mama..
is...
by far...
the most wonderful thing that has happened to me.

7 comments:

Brooke said...

Hey Jen! I always love reading your blog!! I don't have a logical way of keeping up with my comments, so I'm just now running across the one you left me about the ABC's about me. Please feel free to do it yourself!! You were SO sweet to ask, but I don't mind at all. In fact, I'd LOVE to read yours! :) Sorry again it took me so long to respond. If you know of a better way to organize comments, please let me know. I hate to miss 'em! With love...

Nancy said...

Jenkies! I was thinking it was just me! I'll have 3 teens under roof very soon. I'm wondering if I'm ever gonna get the hang of this "parenting teenagers." Give me a holler if you get it figured out. I need help!
Nancy-of the crazy 8

JustineL said...

You were also the best things to happen to Miss Reilly Leary.

I've seen the two of you in action. And, yes, the girl LOVES her daddy. But in between the yelling...and the eye rolling...I see lots of laughter. Lots of wanting to spend time with Mom & her girls. Lots of recognition from Reilly for supporting her & fostering her passions.

One day, when the teenage hormones and narcissism have subsided, Reilly will wake up and realize she has the best kind of Mom ever invented. A Mom who will ALWAYS support her. ALWAYS make time to laugh with her. A mom who will someday (I promise) end up being her BEST friend. And she will feel bad for the eye rolls. And the maddening behavior.

Until then, I'll be here. To listen to you vent. To remind you that you aren't REALLY the bad guy- but to sympathize that is sucks to feel that way.

Jen said...

YOUR A GREAT MOM!!! LOVE RYAN

Jen said...

Thanks Babe...That means a lot to me. I love you!

Ali said...

This is so good & true. I have always been a pretty good listener & most of the time didnt have to be told (ok not always, maybe after like 12) but still sometimes, my mom & I argue. The mother/daughter relationship is hard, at least for us because we're such good friends & then occasionally she'll act like my mom & that really frustrates me. But anyway, I love her & even when she pisses me off, I'm so thankful for her & I'm sure your daughter is too.

Jen said...

Thanks Ali! I sure hope so. She kind of rocks... I hope she comes around and realizes...I do what I do because I love her SO much!