Friday, March 18, 2011

If I were a monster...my color would be GREEN...big ole' jealous GREEN!

There is no doubt about it.

I have the hardest working husband around.

He works seven days weeks, for weeks on end, so that the girls and I can have the things we need and want.  It can't be fun to have to work all the time.  He works Holiday's and weekends, he picks up overtime whenever he can.  He goes on trips to Connecticut, San Diego, Virginia and even as far as Hawaii, to provide for us. There are times when he is away for weeks, and even months.

I say all of this because I want it to be known.  To be stated that I know how hard he works, and that no one.  NO ONE.  Appreciates it more than I do.

That being said...sometimes it sucks being the one left at home.

I would LOVE to go away.  Stay at a hotel.  Have someone else clean my room and wash my sheets.  Have someone else make ALL of my meals and have nothing left to clean up afterwards... I would LOVE to get to wake up 10 minutes before I have to be at work...jump in the shower and get MYSELF ready, without worrying about anyone else.  I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I could come home from work and lay down and watch TV or read a book without having to give someone a tub or get someone ready for bed.

Now Pu-leeeese don't get me wrong.  I love being a Mama....There is nothing I love more than being a Mama... and I love that I have ALWAYS been there to do those things... I have always been there to tuck them in.  I have always been there to make sure their homework is done and to make sure they eat their vegetables.  I love being a Mama....and I know my husband works so very very hard so that I can do these things....because he knows doing these things is what makes me happy...

but it sure would be nice to not have to worry about anyone but myself...for a week or two...or maybe even a whole month...(who are we kidding...I could never leave them for that long...I would miss the crap-ola out of them!)

or to get a little recognition for being the one left behind. 

There is a huge part of my that feels like I am going to be super duper judged for that last line...

That because I am the "Mother" I should want to be with my kids all the time.  That I should be grateful  even, for the opportunity to be their Mother...

and I do want to be with my kids A LOT.  and I am grateful for the opportunity to Mother them...

but every once in a while I think we all need some down town...
and the thing is... as much as Ryan is working...he works 7 days a week here...at home...and he works 7 days a week there...where ever there happens to be....but when he is there...away... for awhile... he is getting a break.  A break I deserve too.  A break without feeling like someone should be calling DCYF on me. 

I've heard it all... "Oh, poor guy!  He must hate being away so much!"
"Oh that stinks he is missing so much...he must be sad about that"

how about a little more of this...

"Oh wow, that must suck doing it all by yourself..."
"Oh, you must be exhausted"

I am tired.  I am tired of doing ALL the laundry.  I am tired of being the ONLY one cooking dinner...and doing the dishes... I wish there was someone else around to car pool when someone else needs a tub or to get to bed just a little earlier.

We aren't right now nor will we be any time in the near future in a place where I can go away. 

Get away...and I need it. 

So much so...that apparently even going away for work looks good to me...

Thanks babe...for all you do.  I REALLY really  really appreciate and love you for it.... <3


Tina Michelle said...

Oh that has to be hard on you. I get what you are saying. Grateful for what he gets but wanting a little for yourself. It is natural. You are human. I hope you get some time alone soon. Maybe he could come home one evening and take over and you could go to the local coffee shop with a laptop and just relax. I know he will be tired but he gets a little rest on his travel job times. We had to work through this here. My husband does not travel but he works 50 hours a week and is tired. It was hard for him to find time to watch the kids so I could get away for a few minutes but I made it known tha I NEEDED that time so he started making time for me to get out. It is not much to go it alone somewhere or go to dinner alone with a friend for a couple hours, it is not a hotel or sleeping in, but it sure helps both of our sanity and jealousy issuse. (He gets alone time more often cause it is easier for him to get away for a few hours)

JustineL said...

I would just like to say that it is a) completely valid and b) brave of you to put this out here.
I will also kick anyone in the shins who judges you for needing a flippin' break. You work harder than most people I know. You work TWO full time jobs- and I'd be willing to bet the "mama" job, even with all of its many rewards, is the hardest.

If I win some island vacation for two- you're on the top of my list. Love you lady.

Jen said...

Love you back! Lots.