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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Reviving Ophelia...

So there's this book. 

It's called Reviving Ophelia...



and I've read it once ...
or twice..
and I am starting it again.

It reminds me why my teenager hates me.
and more importantly that it is NOT my fault...
and that she is actually SUPPOSED to hate me...
go figure.


I am not sure my teenager and I are going to make it....
and it breaks my heart.

I love this kid.
She is so sensitive.
She wears her heart on her sleeve.
She roots for the underdog.
She cares fiercely.
She is loyal to a fault.

There are so many things about her I admire.


I just wish she knew it.
I wish she knew what I see when I look at her.
I wish she understood just how amazing she is.
I wish we could talk like we used to.

These days it seems like we argue more than our fair share.
About the silliest of things.
She'll say I said something...
I'll say I didn't...
She'll say I did...
I say...nope pretty sure I didn't..
and she'll say...um, yeah you did...
and at this point. I am mad.
Why is she arguing with me about this?
Is it because she has to be right?
Is it because she really wants me to be wrong?
Is it because she can't agree with me...even if I am right?

I feel completely unappreciated and she feels like no one understands her.

She goes from wanting to be beside me...
to wanting to get as far away from me as she can.

From wanting my undivided attention
to wanting nothing to do with me.

She laughs and cries at the same time.
and both are usually my fault.

How can she not understand that I won't let her "go out" with that boy because I can already tell that he isn't a good kid.  How can she not understand that I don't think she should hang out with that girl because she already doesn't make good choice.  How can she not understand that when I tell her she has on too much make up, it's not because I am a Mom and have no idea what I am talking about...but because I know she is so utterly beautiful without it that she doesn't need it to be beautiful.  How can she not understand that when I say she can't buy the super short shorts at Abercrombie like the ones her friends have it is because I have a real issue with her ass cheeks hanging out for all the world to see.  That I don't want her looked at like a piece of meat.  How can she not understand that I have no desire to fight with her, that it actually makes me miserable...so I am NOT saying these things because I think fighting with her is fun, or because I am the adult and she is the child...which means I get to win. all. the. time.
How can she not understand that I want to hand her the world?  That she is capable of being anyone, of doing anything...all she has to do it go for it...to work for it....How can she not understand that she is hopes and dreams wrapped up in a pretty pink ribbon.  That her whole life is ahead of her and she doesn't have to try to be older all the time...that being 13 is good.  That she has waited forever to be 13 and now...instead of rushing through it..she should revile in it.  Live every single second of it.  That 14 will come...and so will 15....

How can she not understand that every single time we argue...all I can see is a 3 year old...curled up in my lap?  That little girl who brought me dandy lions and drew me pictures of rainbows and butterflies?  To me she will always be that girl...the one who sang me songs and danced around the living room in her underwear.  She will be the little girl who would only eat spaghetti for a month straight and walked around the house in my old prom dress and high heels.

How can she not understand that she is the best thing I have ever done...
and that all I want for her is the best life.

I know she'll make mistakes...
I know they'll be good for her...
that she'll learn from them...
but until she is old enough to know better...
I will be right there...
saying all the things no one else will...
telling her that she is wearing too much make up...
or that her outfit doesn't look as good as she thinks it does...
or that he boy she likes...likes her for all the wrong reasons...
all those things...
that hurt...
and she'll most definitely hate me for most of them...
but I hope that one day..
she'll wake up and realize....
I let her hate me...
because I loved her so much.





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<3




Ni Hao Yall





4 comments:

clearness said...

Both your girls are beautiful but the younger girl, her eyes are gorgeous!

I remember my teenage years, I always felt terrible when I lashed out at mom. And now that I have kids of my own....breaks my heart that I ever treated her so badly.

Brandi said...

My friend's daughter is 14 and we talked yesterday about the same issues. I just called her to give her the name of this book. I'm going to read it as well...never too early...my daughters are 6 and 9. Great Post.

Nancy said...

Oh my... I have 2, soon to be 3, teenagers under my roof. It was SO easy when they were young. No all the answers are so hard. I'm saying all the same things here at our house. Again and again and again. Keep up the good work. Do it all with love.
Nancy-of the crazy 8s

Merrill said...

Oh goodness...my mother could probably written that 25+ years ago. Somehow we survived, although I do wonder how sometimes! And I fear I will be in that same place sooner rather than later, given my daughter's fiery spirit. The outside pressures from peers, media, fashion don't help us any, do they? Will pray for you this week!