Wednesday, May 18, 2011

sticky situation

This is how the story goes.

A couple of Months my teenage daughter came home and told me.
A secret.
Listen, I didn't like it.  I was really glad that the felt like she could tell me.  I am not sure I wanted to know, but at the same time I want her to be able to talk to someone, even if has to be me.
The "situation" is that she asked me not to tell her father.
I didn't like it.
We don't lie.
We don't keep things from each other.
but, I also felt like she trusted me.  She told me.  If I ran to her Father and told him, after she asked me not to, would she come to me again?  What about the next time, when it's something bigger.   Would she come to me again?
So I didn't tell him.
I kept it between us.  Her and I.  Mother and Daughter.
I am not gonna lie.  I felt like Shit.  I knew he wouldn't like it.  I knew it would piss him off.  I knew he would be mad at her.  And me.
Even then, I kept my mouth shut.
Until now.
Tonight he said something to me, about her, and I cracked.
I told him. I guess I thought enough time had gone by.  That once he figured out it was Months ago, he would be like "No way!" I thought that because it was a while ago, he would kind of, I don't know.  I guess not take it to seriously.
I didn't realize how hurt he would be.
There is one part of me that is glad I told him.  Cause at this point he needed to know.
And yet, there is this other part of me that kind of wishes that I didn't tell him.
Because he is hurt.  And I don't like to be the one who hurts him.
Now, what do I do now?
What do I do the next time she comes to me and says I don't want to tell Daddy.
I can push her.  I can tell her what I think she should do.
The bottom line is I can only do so much.
Do I tell him next time?
Do I not tell him?
Do I keep her confidence?
I love this man.
I don't want to see him hurt.
And I don't want to be the one doing the hurting.



Mamarazzi said...

my husband and i have a deal. if our teen comes to us in confidence we still share it with each other and promise not to get upset that she shared with one and not the other. we also make sure to never let on that we know the secret, unless she tells us directly. it is just too important for us BOTH to be "in the know" and that our daughter feels she can come to us and her confidences will be kept. it's all part of co-parenting. she will understand someday when she has kids of her own, until then "keep" her secrets...between you AND her daddy. ALSO keep in mind that there may be a time that she feels she can take it to her dad and not you, and you will be REALLY glad you made the deal with your husband.

Mamarazzi said...

oh i went to reply to your comment on my blog, i always like to reply via email and your email address is not enabled.

did you know that?

this means that you spend so much time leaving lovely comments on people's blogs and they have no way of responding to a question or thanking you for stopping by or just continuing the conversation...because instead of your email address all they see is "no-reply comment".

sad right?

you can fix that if you like.

just go to your dashboard, click edit profile and click show email address and then click save profile.


and i PROMISE if you change this blogging will get even better and become even more fun!